day 163: driving in the rain
driving in the rain © Verena Fischer 2012
It’s about to let you know that I’m still alive. Over the last few days I just didn’t feel so inspired to write anything, so I just took my pictures and decided to wait a bit with posting them. It’s also very cold here, which explains why I didn’t feel much like going out of the house either, which made me wonder whether my pictures would be so interesting during those days.
This picture I actually took on the way from my dad’s place to Berlin on the Autobahn. Normally driving on the Autobahn is pretty boring visually, but I thought that the rain spiced things up a bit. Obviously my mum wasn’t happy about the rain though, since she actually had to drive in that awful weather.
day 162: Claudius
Claudius © Verena Fischer 2012
This little guy’s name is Claudius. Don’t be deceived by his cute smile! He used to be a Roman warlord who was so cruel that some goddess turned him into a cute little toy bear so that he would learn the value of love. He has been scheming to take over the world ever since. For the last few years he was trying to achieve this evil plan of his from his temporary headquarters on a shelf in my dad’s place in the middle of nowhere. Don’t worry though, his plan is just as crappy as the ones Pinky and the Brain came up with, so he won’t be a threat any time soon. However, recently he made some progress: He sneaked into my suitcase to get to a more prominent part of the world and arrived in Berlin yesterday (I caught him when he tried to climb out). Maybe I have to keep a closer eye on him from now on …
day 161: inspiration
inspiration © Verena Fischer 2012
The main objective of going to my dad’s place was actually to get my sofa to Berlin. Oh surprise, surprise, in the end it didn’t fit into the car! It’s actually not so surprising since even when disassembled the parts are still quite big. If we could do a few trips, it would probably work, but by then we would have paid for a new sofa already with the expensive petrol prices. So, instead we just packed the car full with my books, additionally to the stereo and other odds and ends that we were taking anyway. It’s great since I haven’t had my stuff with me for the last few years and now I’m discovering that I have lots of very nice books, like the one above. There is still lots of stuff here, but it’s definitely a start.
the end of a chicken
the end of a chicken © Verena Fischer 2012
This picture is actually not really a self-portrait. It was taken by my mum with my camera in automatic mode! Well done, mum! Since I’m ridiculously complicated with food thanks to my food allergies there is not much choice for me on long journeys. I can’t buy snacks anywhere like normal people, since gluten and lactose are off limits for me. I also don’t eat any bread, since gluten free bread in Germany just tastes awful. What to do then? On our 5-6 hour journey from Chemnitz to Düsseldorf I had some gummibears – my personal favourite -, some crisps (chips for you American folk) and instead of sandwiches I had a chicken leg! We completely forgot to slice it up and on the road getting the meat off the bone with a knife can be quite tedious. So, in the end I decided to just battle that chicken the old-fashioned way. It was hilarious, so my mum took a picture of me posing with the chicken leg. We all need the ability to laugh about ourselves, so I thought I’d share this document of my chicken encounter …
day 160: back to nature
back to nature © Verena Fischer 2012
I took this picture on the way from my hometown to my dad’s place – a drive of about 500 km. We made a stop somewhere in between and while we were having a bite I noticed this odd sight at the parking lot, a tea bag hanging from a twig somewhere. Somewhat ironic isn’t it? And the next question is: Where did the hot water come from?
day 159: well, who are you then?
well, who are you then? © Verena Fischer 2012
I took this picture when I was just passing through my hometown these days and walked through the rather abandoned area again where I took one of my favourite pictures last year. Almost none of the buildings in the street is inhabited and there seems to be new graffiti and street art whenever I walk through there. Ok, that’s not very often to be honest, because I normally avoid my hometown like some sort of infectious disease, but at least once a year I end up there anyway.
I also have to say that my hometown is not that bad anymore. I didn’t particularly enjoy growing up there and I spent my teenage years thinking of ways to escape this place, but once you don’t have to walk home to a socialist concrete block surrounded by Russian mafia anymore it actually isn’t all that bad. You also don’t see hordes of skinheads anymore like in the 90’s, the unemployment rate has dropped below that of Leipzig and instead of closing schools down they have to build new kindergartens actually. Who would have thought, but I’m even planning to come there more often now that I only live 3 hours from there by train!
day 158: Bahnhof Zoo
Bahnhof Zoo © Verena Fischer 2012
I’ve been on the move again and took the train to my hometown a couple of days ago. Although I generally don’t really like traveling and I actually hate flying, I’m fine with most trains. I guess there is something nostalgic about it. I actually used to live in an area were trains are the main method of transport when commuting, so I got pretty used to it. In the last few years though I hardly took the train and lately it also stressed me out a bit to travel this way. Not a couple of days ago though. I just packed my bag quickly, almost missed the train since I took the subway too late and I felt completely at ease just sitting there playing a bit of sudoku and reading in a book I brought. I guess I will be doing that more often now until it becomes second nature again.
day 157: The God of Small Things
The God of Small Things © Verena Fischer 2012
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy is one of those books that sneaks up on you. First I wasn’t sure what to think, then I put it away and read something else, because I just wasn’t so convinced. However, in the end I picked it up again and started where I left off. Although I had forgotten a few things over the months, it read on lightly, as if something latched onto you secretly and pulled you in. Now after finishing the book I know that I made a mistake in putting it away for a few months, since it just created a gap in the middle that took away part of the atmosphere of getting dragged in. Sometimes it’s important to just carry on whether you’re sure or not.
It’s a story with a dense atmosphere and only by the end you really get what was going on throughout. There is a sense of dread lingering as well. One that grips you ever more tightly once you realise how brutal the story really is, although it’s beautifully told. I can only recommend that you guys read it.
day 156: time
time © Verena Fischer 2012
Time is a curious thing. Sometimes it flies and sometimes it seems to stand still, depending on what you’re willing it to do. That doesn’t mean that we can control how we perceive time, no, it only means that it usually does the opposite of what we want. If we want time to pass quickly, we are bored and it seems even longer. And if we want to hold on to a moment the more the moment just slips through our fingers. It mocks us. And that’s why we always attempt to control it anyway: Just because we can’t.
day 155: understated
understated © Verena Fischer 2012
This fabulous shop window I saw a few days ago on the way to buy an envelope and a big paperclip. I only needed one envelope and one paperclip, but now I have 9 envelopes and 39 paperclips left. Well, I guess I’m set now, in case I have to apply for other stuff too. This shop was the lamp equivalent of the 40 paperclips when you only need one. If you need only a lamp that gives you some light one of these ones would be way over the top.
It took me a while to get the colours on this one right, since having lots of yellows in artificial light can look quite desaturated after adjusting the white balance. I also managed to reduce the flare from the window a bit, which somehow turned out blue and was really distracting.
day 154: circles
circles © Verena Fischer 2012
For years I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life, about what makes me happy and what makes me suffer and I’ve been following a path that wasn’t always easy, because I thought that it would at some point allow me to do exactly what I wanted. In fact, the last few years were among the hardest I can remember. I was full of fear of what was going to happen if I didn’t succeed in what I was doing, I became seriously ill probably as a result of all this anxierty and somehow along the way I have lost my home, many friends and was never really sure whether what I was doing was the right thing for me. Always sacrificing things for an almost impossible goal is something you can’t keep up forever.
These days when I was writing a PhD proposal I realised finally that it all makes sense somehow. All my different interests come together now in this and my path was the right one, although it might not have been easy. And after all I can do exactly what I want to do, right now, no matter whether I actually get the funding I applied for or not. If I think about it in the way I thought about it the past few years, and focus on the funding, it quickly becomes again one of those impossible situations, ripe with the potential for failure: They get too many applications for too few positions anywhere, where there is a scrap of funding available. If it all boiled down to “being good enough” you could just as well throw all your self-esteem out of the window yourself, since there just isn’t enough money going around for everyone who is good enough. It doesn’t necessarily reflect your abilities since it’s not all about being good enough. It also needs some luck. You can worry about your abilities all you like, but luck is something outside of your control, you either have it or you don’t. That’s how it is with any qualified job in a society where resources for real work are scarce and the focus is on an industries feeding useless consumerism. And if that’s the case then you might as well just stop worrying altogether.
Strange that it took me so long to realise that …
This is another picture in the category “almost black and white”.
day 153: Weitergehen verboten
weitergehen verboten © Verena Fischer 2012
“Weitergehen verboten” is the German equivalent of a no trespassing sign. This picture was taken at the subway station Gesundbrunnen, which is not far from here. I was also there a couple of days ago to go to the mall (this picture I took earlier though). On that day behind me in the supermarket queue was a guy who had a bottle of vodka, a bottle of mouth wash and a rolling pin. I couldn’t help to start grinning and congratulated the guy on this fabulous combination. I told him not to combine item 1 and 3, since that could only go wrong. The guy took it with humour. On the way back home I also saw two guys with a wardrobe on the subway. A day of odd occurrences …
day 152: flow
flow © Verena Fischer 2012
These last few days I have been mostly experimenting with abstracts, since I just didn’t have the time to get out much. It was one of these times when I wished that I wouldn’t do everything last minute. I had months to prepare this PhD application and it was all taking shape in my head, but if I had written it down a bit earlier, it would have surely been a lot less stressful. I also spare you the details of my odyssey attempting to submit the application in person on a Saturday. Suffice it to say that it involved sheer and utter panic as well as a friendly security guy who knew the door lock code to the right corridor …!
day 151: black and white dinner
black and white dinner © Verena Fischer 2012
Yesterday I handed in my PhD application and things are turning back to normal now on here. I will try to post every day again and you can expect a bit more than just a random picture of my dinner …
day 150: metallic
metallic © Verena Fischer 2012
| Canon EOS 450D | 50.0 mm | ISO 800 | f/1.4 | 1/100 sec |
I’ve been busy with work this week, since I have a deadline soon and only now I finally found some time to have a look at the pictures I’ve been taking the last few days. This one certainly falls in the category “almost black and white” again and I was rather undecided whether I should go with this abstract or with a self-portrait. In the end I decided that I’ve been necessarily focusing on myself too much these last few days, since I’m writing a PhD application right now. Trying to portray yourself in the right light necessarily turns the spotlights inside and that can be a bit much sometimes. Yes, abstract is the way to go before I drive myself mad with all the self-portraying.
day 149: dark figures
dark figures © Verena Fischer 2012
| Canon EOS 450D | 50.0 mm | f/1.4 | 1/30 sec |
I walked along a couple of streets yesterday that I didn’t know. It didn’t get me off course on the way to the shop, because I planned to explore a bit anyway and in the end I found the supermarket without problems. It’s dark around here at night, not many shops, a few corner cafés of the cheap kind and kids on the streets in little groups talking among themselves in foreign languages. I only need to go on the other side of the big avenue where the U-Bahn station is and there would be much more life, but on this side here it seems to be just a mixture between residential and industrial area, dark, quiet and a bit gloomy even on a winter night. I took the picture across from our house when I noticed these two dark figures standing there in the backyard. It seemed to reflect the atmosphere pretty well.
On the way back from the shop there was a guy with a pit bull walking in front of me. I decided not to overtake them, since you never know what such a dog might be up to. After all we call them “Kampfhunde” (attack dogs) for a reason. Then a woman was walking towards us and you could see the guy tighten the grip around the leash already expecting something to happen. And indeed the dog just charged towards the woman and she jumped back in horror calling out “Jesus”, while the guy had no problems whatsoever holding the dog. He wasn’t even surprised and had a smirk on his face as if he enjoyed such scenes. Although it was one of those moments where you’re not really sure whether you’re going to see one of the worst sights of your life in a few moments, it was strangely funny, since I was already expecting it to happen. Maybe it was the strangeness of seeing an imagined worst case scenario almost happen. And then maybe it was just human nature that made me feel like bursting out in laughter. Years ago I read somewhere that in apes laughing is a fear response. It seems to explain these collections of “funny videos” where you almost against your will start laughing about someone having a terrible accident with broken bones. Nothing happened in the end. The woman just got out of the way of the dog, who hadn’t even barked, and I started thinking about having the shopping bag in my hand instead of my camera. And since most people are strangely fascinated by the terrors of existence I didn’t even feel bad about that thought. Human nature …
day 148: Berlin at night
Berlin at night © Verena Fischer 2012
There is something to be said about taking pictures during a flight when you’re not so comfortable with flying. I sometimes get scared, I sometimes get motion sickness and taking pictures during takeoff and landing gives me something to do to distract myself. These pictures mostly don’t turn out that great, especially when taken after dark, but sometimes you get lucky, like with this one here.
No, flying into Berlin doesn’t always look like this. As a matter of fact I’ve never before seen this view from the plane, so I was pretty happy about the experience. Quite a sight to tell me that I’m back home!
day 147: tree monsters
tree monsters © Verena Fischer 2012
Sometimes choosing a picture for the day is rather easy. Maybe I was trying around a lot until I got a specific picture right or maybe the composition was off for most of the pictures but one, or maybe I just wasn’t inspired and didn’t quite look properly. In the latter cases the picture of the day will be almost random, a picture that came about through pure coincidence. Or maybe I end up tinkering with a mediocre image until I liked it.
Other days there might several pictures with potential, a certain atmosphere to a few of them or some lucky street shots came about where I was paying attention at the decisive moment more than once. The last few days I was lucky more than once, but yesterday’s picture was actually quite planned. I took a similar picture the day before, but couldn’t get the composition right for the specific tree I was taking pictures of. One of the avenues in San Sebastian has many of them and yesterday I just picked another one. This time I’m really happy with the composition. In the edit I was going for “almost black and white” again, which I find actually quite interesting.
Still, although I planned this one, choosing yesterday’s picture was actually difficult again, because I had a few shots with a great atmosphere to them. It would be nice to post more than one picture, but I think this way I learn more about what makes the difference between a good picture and a very good picture.
day 146: street scene
street scene © Verena Fischer 2012
I have had my Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 for a little while now and still I’m sometimes struggling to get the pictures how I want them. Maybe it has to do with my 450D, which is a crop body, i.e. you get a crop with a normal EF lens due to the smaller sensor. You have to be quite a bit away to get it all in the picture and then there is also the missing image stabilization. Several times I thought that I was just not focusing right, because it looked that way on the camera screen, but on the computer I had to realise that I actually wasn’t keeping the camera steady enough for the shutter speed I was using. Well, I will have to test this a bit more scientifically, maybe shoot a series at different shutter speeds and see what’s the lowest I can go. Apart from these little issues I’m really quite happy with the lens. It has a much better contrast than my two zoom lenses apart from being a bit more sharp and it also seems to me that the colours come out a tad bit nicer. One thing is clear, it makes a huge difference in low light and I’m eager to try it for shooting at tango.
day 145: analogue cypher
analogue cypher © Verena Fischer 2012
I like that this picture is almost black and white, but not quite. Strange what you can find when you wander around a city for a bit.
Today I saw a short documentary about Martin Parr. He’s English and has these interesting projects where he focuses on sort of very English phenomena. What I liked the most were his pictures of families out for the day at the coast, in the midst of litter and these very run down English coastal towns. It reminded me of the few times I actually went to the beach in Brighton in summer. For some strange reason I almost never did that although I lived in Brighton for 3 years. Maybe it’s because I lived on campus for a long time and also because I never really stayed in Brighton over the summer. However, another reason could be that going to Brighton beach is not exactly the greatest experience in the world. It’s a pebble beach, so it’s uncomfortable, and if the sun is out it’s just really packed, even if it’s absolutely freezing. And then there is also the sunscreen problem … for some reason Brits don’t really believe in that sort of thing and in no time the beach is not only packed, but packed with crab red people with skin peeling off. It’s just not a pretty sight at all.
By the way, I actually went to the beach more than a few times, but mostly in autumn or winter when the wind is almost blowing you over and within minutes your fingers seem to be frozen stiff. I actually preferred that to those crab people in summer …
day 144: the sea the sea
the sea the sea © Verena Fischer 2012
Although I shoot in colour mostly, I often end up with a black and white picture after editing. When I started this blog I was mostly posting pictures in colour, but still someone commented that it seems like I prefer black and white. What happened there? I guess, I just had to own up to the fact that I was probably subconsciously resisting the urge to work in black and white. Fine art photography is often in black and white and somehow I found it nothing more than pretentious, to go out into the world and press all the colour out there into a black and white medium. And still I ended up working in black and white after all. The strange thing is that somehow the colours almost never turn out the way you see it in the first place, even if you do your best to get the white balance right. The eye is just different from a camera sensor and that’s that. Unless I can get the colours just the way I want them, I always end up with a black and white picture. I guess it’s some strange form of perfectionism.
By the way, I have added a Flattr button now. If you don’t know the service, maybe check it out, I think it has potential. Of course if you like what you saw today you can click any of those buttons below.
day 143: don’t be afraid
don't be afraid © Verena Fischer 2012
Today I saw a documentary on William Eggleston and I was surprised. I knew some of his pictures, but never knew his name. What was surprising to me was that his pictures have, what I have been meaning to achieve for years. There is a level of banal everyday-ness about them, but they have something utterly disturbing about too. As if he manages to show what it would be like to come as an alien to the neighbourhood. His subjects are boring, American, suburban, normal, but then there is something special to them. A glint in the eyes, a serendipitous prop, a colour hue that makes you stop for a moment and then you wonder how a picture with a cut off person at the edge can be so incredibly good. It’s quite hard to figure out what makes these pictures so special. I kept thinking “There must be some kind of trick to it, what is it”? At some point I will have to get one of his books and stare at his pictures for a few hours to figure it out.
And then there was a moment in the documentary where you saw the collection of old camera bodies he owned. There were 19 old film camera bodies of the same type and I knew that part of his work was shot with a Leica. The thought of 19 Leica bodies is just maddening considering that I’m far from even being able to afford one. Now, after looking through images of camera bodies I at least know that these are definitely not 19 Leica M series camera bodies, thank god, the equipment envy would have been too much to bear! Well, it’s that time of the month again. Not what you think, no, it’s just that every few weeks I look at the current prices of Leica M series cameras and cry a little. Boy can you see a difference in the pictures though! I follow a few Leica photographers and the colours and contrasts are just amazing. Comparing a silly point and shoot camera with my Canon EOS 450D makes a real difference. I’d say the difference between my camera and a Leica M series is just as big. However, with my current finances my obsession with the Leica M series is just like dreaming of a Porsche.
I need a rich sponsor … any takers?
day 142: staring out at the sea
staring out at the sea © Verena Fischer 2011
A lot of people start their year with new resolutions and end up forgetting about their big goals by February. Motivation is sometimes hard to maintain when the only person you are accountable to is yourself. I’m not sure my own daily photography goal would have had any chance without this blog. It really helps me to focus, I get a lot of nice feedback and it has a big part in keeping me motivated. It’s always easier to do things together with other people who encourage you. Blogs are great for that because it’s just so likely that there are many other people out there in the “blog-o-sphere” who want to achieve similar goals. Especially when it comes to photography there are a lot of people out there trying to get better at it every day, which means that there is a lot of support out there too.
Having resolutions is a good start, but sharing your progress is way better, because then everyone knows whether you stick to it or not. It’s more likely that you’ll succeed with a little bit of pressure. Sure, it’s tough sometimes, because it means to put yourself out there. It means that you sometimes have to own up and post mediocre work. It also means that you have no control over who reads your blog and although the internet is vast, eventually you might have good reason to censor yourself. It’s not all happy sunshine out here in the open. Still, I can only recommend it to anyone who just came up with a shiny new resolution prompting you to train for a marathon, shooting a picture a day or any other such insanity. Start a blog, share your experiences, it really helps!
experiments in experience 