one day at a time

bad

© Verena Fischer 2013

Berlin | © Verena Fischer 2013

The guy in the cowboy hat was some drunk who was just muttering to himself. I just had to attempt a picture. Only when looking at the picture on the screen did I realise that the licence plate of the car says “bad”. My camera also decided to focus on it, so all fell together in this one.

© Verena Fischer 2013

Berlin | © Verena Fischer 2013

Who needs a headset if you can just tuck the mobile into your headscarf? Also fun: the Rockabilly type who walked into the picture on the right.

© Verena Fischer 2013

Berlin | © Verena Fischer 2013

The dad was buying a present for his daughter. Apparently she couldn’t decide about her preferred mode of transportation.

© Verena Fischer 2013

Berlin | © Verena Fischer 2013

They both seemed to be waiting. The dog was definitely more impatient, since he didn’t stop barking. The girl must have been deaf.

All pictures taken with my Olympus Pen E-PL3 and my M.Zuiko 14-42mm f/3.5-5.6.

I always have good days and bad days. Yesterday I was just too aware of my impending operation. I have been ill for years. Partly I was feeling better than now, partly I was feeling worse, but it’s definitely been a while since I considered my health to be relatively normal. Things got bad 6 years ago and I can’t really say that they have really improved since then. It took 2 years until I was diagnosed with celiac disease and one year after that I was told I had IBS, since I wasn’t responding to the gluten-free diet. I struggled another 2 years until finally I had a phase of about half a year where I wasn’t too bothered by my health. I had bad days, but the good ones were more frequent. Then last year things got bad again. I’ve changed my diet and it improved things considerably, but I’m still in pain every day. It is difficult to focus, to work, to just carry on anyway, but most of the time I just soldier on and try my best to cope and still do good stuff. Some days that’s not so easy though and yesterday was one of those days.

Most of the stuff I try to improve my health don’t really work, the doctors have been generally rather clueless about my condition as well and now they suspect that it’s something else additionally. Something chronic again without a known cause or a viable cure in sight. The only option is this diagnostic operation that might make things better temporarily. It’s the only way to confirm what they suspect and if they find something they will already do the treatment during the operation, which involves cutting out tissue that doesn’t belong there and getting rid of adhesions between different organs. The problem is that this tissue and the adhesions are very likely to grow back and again cause the same problems. The other treatment options – hormone treatment mostly – are risky for someone with a history of depression and might even have more risks attached to them that are not well understood yet, especially in relation to inflammatory bowel diseases. I already have a gut condition, certainly don’t need another one, so I won’t go for that. The only real cure would also mean to lose my ability to have children, not really an option for me yet. So, this is all somewhat scary, somewhat hard to predict and I don’t even know what to wish for anymore. If I have what they think, things might get better, but then later they might get worse. And if I don’t have what they think it would mean that in all likelihood nothing will change either. I wish I could just fast-forward a month or two and skip all the fallout from the operation altogether. Life doesn’t work like that though.

In the end I still managed to take some pictures yesterday on my trip to the supermarket. I stocked up on lots of fruit to get me through the days in the hospital. I can’t eat the food there thanks to my restrictive diet, which isn’t really a loss for me. Hospital food is terrible and I’m going to continue eating nice stuff. One way to make all of this more bearable.

One response

  1. Great images! Sorry to hear that you have to undergo surgery. Hope the doctors settle on a diagnosis and recovery plan very soon.

    April 30, 2013 at 12:31 am

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